love #7

"Carmen. I met Carmen after our breakup. Again. She's cute. On our first date she had a black little tight dress and silvercoulored flats. Her blonde hair was just like on those pictures of models you see in magazines, and she had a million dollar smile. She had the classic french fingertips and long eyelashes. Those lashes framed her beautiful blue eyes and they were glistening like stars. Our conversations never ended and she wanted to meet me again. But she was nothing like you."

"Saturday the 20th of November. 22:34 pm. It's snowing. Again. But today I really like it, cause today I've done nothing at all except having dinner by myself and opened a great bottle of wine which is almost empty. I'm reading a great book now called Winter by Kendra Johnson, a collection of her greatest shortstories. I can only imagine how you must feel being able to create a world that so many people appreciate and love. And it's only yours. It's the third time I'm reading this book in November, it has sort of become a tradition. In the fifth of the seven shortstories she writes about a cancerpatient. This patient. Everybody feel so sorry for her. Bring her flowers and cry on her behalf. She on the other hand is a very happy person. So, this shortstory about a cancerpatient, her name is Ally. You get to follow a wrighter who's interviewing different people who's in different periods of their life. In this particular shortstory the wrighter enter Allys room and you get to follow their conversation and flashbacks in her life. Then towards the ending it sounds like this:

Still sitting in the room with Ally, still amazed by her story. By her life. And yet I can't help but question how that girl can have a smile on her face. Her life is ending. And she seems so happy, happier then most of the persons I've met doing these interviews. Most people I've ever met actually.
- You're so happy, I said to her smiling.
- Yes, I am. She smiled back at me, her eyes glowing.
- This may sound rude, but how can someone who is laying in a hospital bed... No, sorry.
- Please continue.
I stayed quiet, cause I couldn't say the words that almost slipped out of my mouth. But this Ally, who has touched my heart forever, anwserd my not still asked question without being asked.
- It's about living your life. Take one day at a time, and love every second of it. It's about taking care of what you have while you still have it. It's about never stop dreaming. Never stop laughing. Always have a smile on your face. Because you know what? The disease can take you away from home, from your friends and family. It can take away your job, your dog, your boyfriend, your fashionable clothing and nights out. But the disease can never take away your dreams. If you let it, it will, but I won't. I will not let it steal away my happiness too. I won't. But I will get back on track, I will be cured. And when I'm walking down the street with my fashionable clothes on my way for a night out, I will be so greatful. Just to be alive.
I stayed quiet, looking out the window, cause if I looked at her I swear I would burst into tears.
- And thank you miss Heather. I had so much fun today, talking to you. It was like having a girlfriend over for a glass of chardonnay. And you treated me like a person, not a patience. You talk to me as if I actually will get better and get out there again.
I looked at her, and her eyes were filled with tears, as she said two more words before I left.
- Thank you.

I love that novel. She gives me hope in the winter cold. Cause after reading this shortstory, I always take a walk. And when I meet a girl walking on the street on her way out in the winternight looking all dressed up, I smile and I pretend that I just met Ally and that her dream came true. That she was cured. Cause I want to believe she was."

love #6

"I'm counting the days, the minutes, the seconds since tha last time we met. It's 23 days, 47 minutes and 35 seconds. Why is it that you always do things like this when it's to late? Why do you keep holding on to never? She told me she never wanted to see me again. I guess I don't want to belive that. And I'm counting the days to prove her wrong."

"Yet again, after our breakup, I was really sad. But something in me started to shine again, and that's probably why I realized how much you mean to me when it was to late to realize such things. This wall that I'd created wanished. And I stood naked. Alone. It was enlightening, this nakedness. When I looked in th mirror, the shame was gone. I was free to love again."

"She moved out quickly. All her stuff were gone in just a couple of days. After three weeks I found one of her scarfs. It was a red scarf with white little details in the edges. The scarf. It smelled just like her."

Selected parts

I'm inlove with Katy Perry. I'm drinking coffee. I'm really nervous about my teacher reading my manuscrift for PROJECT BEAUTY. But seriously, listen to Katy, she's kickass. And actually, The Pretty Reckless were over expectations. Listen to them to, while you have spotify opened.

I wanna dance with you.

love #5

“One rainy day. I was always such a downer on rainy days. Well, not always, but since I got to New York I hated the rain, everything got so wet and it was a living hell trying to get a decent cab after work, wich led to me walking home from work. The best part with the rainy days in New York is that they always start out as sunny days. You should at least get a sign so you can bring your raincoat. The same with days filled with dramatic emotions. They always start out as exceptionally good days. You know those kinds of mornings when you have time to make eggs and coffee and toasts. Beware of the good mornings. They always result in bad nights. When having a good morning, don’t forget your emotional raincoat. I always tend to do.”


“One sunny day. A walk in west central park, we sat by the fountain four hours just talking and feeding the birds. Such a good day. The sun turned red in a purple sky.”

love #4

"On my way to my parents. She stayed in New York. Not that I had invited her to come to my parents for Christmas but if she would've asked I would've said yes. I think. Usually I didn't talk to much with my parents about girls, and this case was a classic scenario. They had no clue about Melissa. Therefore I didn't have to worry about tricky questions and how to anwser them without being judged as a mean player or married old man. I could just be me. That's partly what I love about going home to Pennsylvania. It's just as it always was. Home."

"The first thing I did to screw us up was probably when I kissed Carmen. Melissa never knew, but I did. That created this wall between us. I was so ashamed, I shut her out. Just a little, every day. I wanted her, someway, not to love me unlimited. Because she deseved better."

love #3

"She stopped loving me. I continued to love her. I think that hurts the most. That my love for her never really died."

love #2

"Melissa. That's her name. She looked crazy-hot. You know, she's one of those persons you'll remember if you just see her walking down the street towards you. And she danced, god how she danced. Red, old fashion dress and high heels. She was a real killer. And right, I tried to play it cool and act not interested, but hey. Sometimes you just have to take the chance before she leaves. Cause she could have. But yet she stayed and talked and danced with me all night long and i followed her to her doorstep like a real gentlemen. Then we kissed."

"- You want some coffie?
- I want you.

She looked at me and bit the tip of her lip, probably as an attempt to be sexy. It worked. Totally. I left the room without giving her as much as a kiss, despite the butterflies in my heart. My mission was for her to follow me and force her love on me. It worked. Totally."

"Once again I had no clue what to give her on her birthday. I desided on a necklace, one of those you can put something in. Then I wrote a note to put in there. I wrote; You've changed me. I give you my heart. Happy birthday Melissa."


new appartement. coffie. the life of a pornstar. texting. project beauty. logbook. a good movie. grandmother. cheesedoodles. fixing. thinking. rain. food. sunday.


"I thought about it when I went out the door and continued my way down the street. It was so easy being inlove with someone, but to love was so much more difficult. When she looked me in the eyes and said I love you I felt nothing. Before she'd said it I felt tons of things, but it was as if all the air disappeard from my lungs and I stood there, quiet and couldn't breathe with a feeling of nothing inside of me. Is she the one? I had to ask myself the question that's been so obivious just a few seconds before ten minutes ago. As soon as she started to love me i started to question things. Us. This. As I continued towards a store down at 2nd and Madison I saw several couples. And I never noticed people. Suddenly, after she started to love me, there were love everywhere, and it was spreading like the plauge."

"After our breakup I got the answer to my question. She was the one. And now I was, to her, no one. Funny where life take us. But it sure hell got it's sense of humor. It was no point in me trying to fix things, they were to broken. But it was sad. I cried two nights in a row. Then the first snow came."

"She was like nothing you've ever seen. Their wedding was amazing. Can two people really have the same the one? If not, her husband was making the biggest mistake of his life. Cause she still had my heart caught."


imagine being this little fluffy thing. imagine how badly you would be able to piss people off and they couldn't do at thing about it. imagine how fun this little thing has. hello i just pooped on you but hey, i'm cute and have no brain so it's ok. the only thing you need to do to get out of trouble is to roll over on your back like on this picture. everthing is forgiven.


today i realized that i could never handle being one of those depressed people who sits at home doing nothing all day long. i would bore myself to death. movies don't help. i need people.

today i also had pre-run with my new talkshow. i'm like rachel ray or martha stewart. only better. (maybe i should add that i had my show when i was cooking all by myself in the kitchen. but it's a start ey?)


so. i'm in a much better mood now, after getting some non.planned i'm-just-gonna-close-my-eyes-for-a-second sleep. felt really good. MORE OF THOSE! right this second i'm in my bed thinking about what i need in my autumn-wardrobe. i need the jacket from H&M for 200kr (really 1000kr but it's on sale) that somebody bought before me so that aint gonna happen. i need just a few t-shirts, some nice jackets and new boots.

i'm also planning what i'm gonna buy from panduro to make my own jewellry. rings, nacklaces you name it. i'm gonna be sooooooo unique. god.

i havn't borrowed my sisters camera yet, but i will.
for now, you get this. me when i'm sick and bored and only have a webcam. workin' it.

see you later. if i'm not dead of course. ey.

if you want me you better come and catch me, if you wanna touch my wo oh oh

ok, it's so motherfucking boring to be sick. i just hate it. just relax relax RELAX REEEEELAXXXXX. fuck it. i'm gonna steal my sisters camera and maybe it can entertain me for a while, but i guess not. i'm a real downer today.

so to be positive i can tell you guys about my creative work, i made a necklace out of two ugly necklaces. it's awesome, and it's like a bit animal-tooth on a chain with some black pearls and so on. yo'll love it.


don't fucking tell me what to do

idag är jag sjuk, och det är väldigt synd om mig.
dock så är det ganska mysigt att spendera lite kvalitetstid med min lilla pärla.

i skolan blir vi södermöshade med dans, roligt men väldigt väldigt jobbigt. dock går det mycket bättre än väntat. i måndags följde jag mitt hjärta och drog tillsammans med elvira på klass på balettakademien, så jävla roligt att jag dör. house med en lärare som var hur skön som helst (OCH såg ut som en mörk cameron diaz) och sen hiphop med en lärare som hade en thang för waves. jaja, den var rolig den med. det här efter att vi hade dansat hela dagen innan och skulle dansa hela dagen efter. min kropp protesterade, men jag var galet lycklig på bussen. lagom lycklig igår när jag inte kunde röra mig för att jag hade så mycket träningsvärk. hehe.

jag är så sjukt taggad på allt just nu. imorgon börjar teatern. jag är på god väg med mitt projektarbete. nästa hekg är det läger på leidet med våra små teaterbarn. vi har en jätterolig satoriuppgift på teatern i skolan och jag kollar runt på massa college i NY mitt iallt det här. herregud va livet är fantastiskt.

i brist på andra bilder bjuder jag på en från när jag var i tunisien. jag skulleinte banga på att ha en sköldpadda. de är så jävla coola.


skype is a motherfukking great invention. seriously. i love it. right pä?

g'night cool ones.


now i'm sitting in my perfect chair in my perfect room with my (soundeffects) *datadataaaadaaadaa* PERFECT computer. i just love it. everything seems so much easier now (accept that i don't want press yes or no when i comes to computerthings so i'd rather just have somebody fix all the tricky stuff and THEN my new life can take place). ehehum, when i write it goes like a trillion times faster, probably cause this keyboard was meant for me. 

done with the loving of the pearl (for now), i'll tel you a little bit about my day, if you care. if you don't, stop reading now.
my day turned out to be just as great as i planned it to. i've been fixing with the pearl, been to town with mom where we bought some bugspray (the wrong one) and a lot of chinesefood from our local chineseplace. i love chinese. so, standing there choosing between two of the greatest dishes ever, i had a thought. WHY should i pick only ONE? so i took two, but i have to pay her for one (that was the deal). so worth it. so, mom and i got home after buying one sheet plant each as well. we watched a movie called sydney white wich is really good (highschoolmovie, you'll love it) and now i'm here, full of chinesefood and coffie. and, later, i'll have telephonefika-date with the halfbrain herself. WOHO!

it's gonna be so great being able to sit in my room with the pearl, especially with schoolworkstuff AND skype, wich i'm gonna get as soon as possible. then my halfbrain and i'll be able to skype in class, how awesome is that!? very well.

i've almost decided on the placement of my tattoo, wich will be under my collarbone. i think. not a hundred procent sure yet, but it's my plan right now anyway. and now i got the money as well, YAY! 

now, i'm gonna go downstairs, have another cup of coffie and call my second cousin molly to talk about her first week in school. this was a really good last day of summers day. really.


come on babe

today when i look out the window i see white fluffy clouds  and it almost look like whipcream and i just want to dive in to it. for brekfast i had noodles. and a big glass of water. (AND i did the specialrecipe i posted yesterday and seriously, TRY IT!!!)

tomorrow school starts and i'm pretty exited. i don't know what to wear though. emm. anyway, todays plan was to just hang around with my new computer and chill out. AND of course have a telephone-fikasession with my dear brain herself. and this day will be so nice. the thing that bothers me is that i can't find my laptop. hehe, no, i havn't missplaced it even if that wouldn't come as a big surprise to me either. dad was supposed to pick it up yesterday and after he did that i havn't had a chance to meet him and i figured he'd put it some place i could actually find it, but no. he has hidden my laptop. thanks.

WOHO I LOVE LIFE SHALALALALAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


mr superchef's foodschool


1. make your noodles just like you always do when you're tired, and when the BASIC is done, wich is boil the noodles, you pour off the water and then put the noodles back in the sauce pan.


2. now when the noodles are laying there all bored out, you take soy (i always use A LOT of soy since i love soy, but use the amount you find just perfect), sesame oil - NOT to much but still more then you think - and sweet chili sauce.

3. when that's done, you can either spice it up yourself if you have some sort of imagination in there somewhere, or just do the simple style like i did today and use the spicemix that came with the noodles.

4. mix mix mix, and then it's ready to be enjoyed!

a thing

i should really post some more photos on my blog. so, my new mission in life is to borrow my sisters camera some more and give you sneekpeeks from my life. as if you're not looking forward to it. i know you are. and i have a question for you. where did the summer go? this weather is exactly what i don't like about sweden. arr.

count me in

now it's only one countdown left, and it feels really good. now i'm gonna use curl power that i got from bella as a summergift and then i'm gonna see allie and ulrika and pack allies bag for USA! and i've been promised meatballs and macaronies. hehehe. YUM.

so, i'll see you tomorrow or something. okey. bye.


countdown no. 1 : 6,5 hours ('til i get off work)
countdown no. 2 : 2 days ('til my computer wich we orderd yesterday will arrive)

na na na na na na na, i'm gonna start a fight

today was a good day. lunch with erika in her apartment and then going straight to work, make some burgers - to finally find myself here again. a good day. tomorrow is my last day of this summerjob and from now on i will only work at some weekends and get some extra cash. feels so got damn great actually.

and today a girl came to eat at the grill with her family, and her voice was so... sexy. gosh. and then she left. those moments, i'm just saying. it was like a little smoky kind of voice, she sounded almost like lagy gaga when she speaks. and hello, when lady gaga speaks. i don't have words.

i was also on my way to record a song the day before yesterday. so i'm moving forward. when i get myspace, you guys will be the first to know. just wait for it.

the last thing on this random updatelist will probably be that i feel very good that some of the readers that probably came because i sold my soul on facebook with a link stayed. YAY. keep staying, and i'll keep bloging, ok?

(no, the last thing will be that i really want a pair of sea-green headphones. wesc. if you buy them to me, i'll be forever greatful. thanks.) 

call me gaga

eating update: spaghetti with minced meat thing gue. yum. soysoysoy.

drinking update: fanta orange. water.

mental update: oatmeal

other: tomorrow i'm gonna sleep in and then i'm gonna play piano until i'm off to erikas place for luch and then work. then it's only one day left. i'm really in the mood for cake and muffins and, like, a childensparty with all my loved ones. i wanna have lemonade in the sun and play guitar in the sunset. and i want there to be water near by, so the sun reflects beautiful in it, like the sun in a sunset tred to do.


if you look down on earth from an airplane, the fields look like patchwork

yesterday 15 people visited my blog! oh my god i'm like almost faumous! or am i? hm.
listen to lady gaga and katy perry, anaya is on her way here and we're probably gonna eat up all the food in the house. we are usually very hungry. very well, we're gonna hang out today and it's gonna be nice, maybe we'll drop in the jacuzzi. sounds like a plan. and after that i'm off to work. yay.

3 days left of work
4 days left 'til i get my computer (see earlier posts for pictures)
6 days left 'til school starts

i was gonna count all the days left 'til christmas, but what tha fuck aigh? who cares.

personal golden things


start spotify. search at KATY PERRY - CALIFORNIA GURLS. pore a glass of red wine named TOKOLOSH. drink it and dance. and then listen to the song one more time. and dance.


and i have a new record of readers. 4. YAY, keep up the reading! love you.

call me mr awesome

hey. i know i'm from sweden, so now you're probably wondering WHY IS HE BLOGING IN ENGLISH? well, i have a period of englishbloging, and i can't explain it. that old lady really got to me i guess. right, i havn't told you guys about the lady i met the other day, i just told facebook (aka the whole world). anyway, i met a lady and we started talking about what she did when she was young and what i did right now and towards the end i told her about my new york dreams and all that. (just for the record, she used to live in new york). and when she's leaving, she tells me to go for my dream and that she thought that if i moved there, i'd fit right in, cause i was that kind of person! and it really made my day. so, i need to practice my english-wrighting skills. or i just love english, i don't know. new york. oh.

right now i'm drinking coffie and a big glass of water since it's like 100 degrees outside. after a day in a grill that's not exactly your dream-scenario weather for the evening. for dinner we're having some chickensalad with cashewnuts and nudles, a little chinese-ish. yum. other than that i miss the rest of my brain so much, she's coming home from her dance-camp today or tomorrow and she's gonna be superfit and streched and all that and i'm gonna be... not. ehe.

very well, next week school starts and all that, and our teachers have this crazy idea that we're supposed to have rememberd TWO dance-choreographies over summerbreak. i say ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS? they are. on facebook there is as we speak several proofs that, eh, not all of us have been practicing all summer. (of course i know it as my left palm). but it will just have to work. i look forward to meet everyone. hear what they all have been up to. tell them all about my summer. gosh.

*buying sailorhats. drinking bacardi breezer melon while shopping. buying signs. party in the hotelroom. dance all night on a bar. become legends on an island, and at dubliners. i love greece and KPJM. 


everytime i'm bloging i find myself wrighting something about what i'm eating at the moment. right now i'm eating strawberryflavored yoghurt and sandwiches. i'm off to work very soon, but before that i have to make some coffie. i always bring my own coffie to work, so much easier. very well, this week i bought a t-shirt, a singlet, a necklace, a perfume, a calendar and something else. right, a vest! the singlet will be returned. the bad thing with just taking something without trying it on, because you just know how good it will look. well, it didn't. bye. 

hello kitty

home from work. home sweet home. after making burgers and hot dogs and french fries i'm gonna make myself something more healthy to eat, like a toast with tacoflavored minced meat. tomorrows breakfast may look just the same, but what tha fuck aigh'? i love toasts. love love love love love love love toasts. and now i would like a glass of champange in a fancy club downtown manhattan. to bad i don't live in manhattan yet then. buhu. so, a glass of water will have to do just fine, unfortunally. tomorrow night my mom and i'm gonna drink wine and paly playstation 3 RESIDENT EVIL. it's gonna be superscary. and awesome.

and, i'm now gonna show you the computer i'll by in a week or so. and don't i like it. YEEE.

Se hela bilden

everytime i hear americano on the radio my heart stops just a little. greece, where did you go?


no one ever told me the awesomeness of putting left-over tacoflavored minced meat on sandwiches and heat it with cheese and have for breakfast. lucky me i'm so smart then.

i don't dance like a dancer i dance with my heart

sommaren har varit fantastisk och fyllt med en hel massa roligt och en hel massa jobb. idag har jag varit i stan med min mor och jag har köpt saker jag gillar och saker jag ska lämna tillbaka. jag ska beställa kläder från london och en dator från elgiganten. jag börjar skolan om en vecka och det känns underbart. jag saknar grekland så galet mycket. jag saknar norrland också. men fan vad det känns bra just nu. jag orkar inte skriva mer för jag ska äta toast.

hej bloggen.

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